"Little children, you are of God [you belong to Him] and have [already] defeated and overcome them [the agents of the antichrist], because He Who lives in you is greater (mightier) than he who is in the world." I John 4:4 (TAB)

"I don't know what's wrong.  He's not sleeping and I've given him enough meds to take out an elephant." the Registered Nurse (RN) said during team.

(Team is the interdisciplinary team - doctors, nurses, social workers, chaplains, bereavement and volunteer coordinators - the IDT or IDG - that meets once a week and discusses each patient and each patients plan of care.  Each discipline visits the patient and takes a "snapshot" of the patient at that time, on that day of that particular visit.  At team, the "snapshots" are put together and the team gets a panoramic view of the patient, medical and psycho/social needs, and family dynamics.  All of these things affect total patient care.) 

"I don't know what to do next.  I guess I can give him more meds but don't think they are going to help.  He's trying to avoid the bed altogether."  Her voice showed the frustration she felt as a professional unable to help her patient.  "What is he telling you?" the Director of Nurses (DON)asked.  Taking a deep breath the RN sighed, obviously reluctant to share what the patient said.  "He says the devil sits on the edge of his bed and talks to him as he's trying to go to sleep.  I guess he thinks he's going to hell or something." 

The room burst into sound as everyone began to comment.  The devil is, after all, big news.  We don't discuss him everyday in or out of IDT!  "The devil, wow!" "Wonder what he's worried about."  "No wonder the meds aren't doing it, he sounds scared."  On and on the comments went -- voices weaving themselves in and out of at least a dozen conversations.  I listened with one ear while my mind kaleidoscopes from one thought to the next. . .the devil, that's interesting. . .the devil, really? maybe it's a demon and not THE DEVIL. . .I've visited this man regularly for months and he's never mentioned this to me before, why is this just coming up now?. . .wonder how long before someone thinks this is a job for the chaplain?. . .how small can I become?. . .am I invisible yet?. . .are you crazy, we're talking about something serious, it's spiritual warfare and the devil she said. . .as my mind is moving from one touchstone to the next, I hear the RN say, "I'm not sure if I even believe in the devil but I don't know what more I can do for this man."  In response one of the Social Workers (SW) says, "It really doesn't matter what you or I believe, this is about him and obviously he believes it.  This doesn't sound like a medical problem to me.  It sounds spiritual and I think the Chaplain should go out for a visit."  With that, the room becomes quiet and 30+ pairs of eyes turn to me.  Well, I guess I'm not invisible yet I think and clear my throat.  "Yes, of course, I'll visit the patient and see what's going on with him.  I'll report back to the team if there needs to be any change in his plan of care."  Having settled the matter to the satisfaction of all, we move on to the next patient on the list.

Driving to the patients home, I am frantically trying to come to terms with the seriousness of the conversation I would be having with the patient.  I can feel myself beginning to panic -- the sense of inadequacy, the fear of saying the wrong thing and making the situation worse (if possible), the thought that I was taking on the devil -- my heart is in my throat and I realize I'm afraid.  Yes, afraid and wondering what in the world was I thinking to become a chaplain -- heavens, I'm not cut out for this job, anyone can see that!!  Especially now.  Suddenly there is an overwhelming sense of peace blanketing me as I drive and a still small voice speaks to my heart, "it's not about you, Sunny, it's about the patient.  Stop focusing on yourself and focus on him, his fear, his needs, his hurts and inadequacies.  Remember, greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world."  As the voice speaks, my pounding heart calms and the focus of my prayers change. I remind myself of the Scripture that tells us to not be afraid to speak for the Holy Spirit will give us the words we need at the right time.  I soak in the peace surrounding me and prepare myself to be a vessel the Lord can use.

Taking a deep breath, I enter the patients home.  As with most of our visits, we begin catching up with each other socially before moving into the purpose of this particular jaunt.  "I hear you are having trouble sleeping," I comment, waiting for the patient to tell me what's happening.  "Yes, well, just sometimes," he responds.  "Can you tell me about it?"  "I really don't know what to tell," sheepishly answers.  "I understand that you see the devil on your bed when you are trying to go to sleep?" I open the door for the skeleton to peak out of the closet.  "Oh, yes," he sighs and the story pours out of him, partly told in guilt, partly in fear, partly in remorse. 

As we talk I learn that the patient had served in the war and he is worried that the God who said 'thou shalt not kill' will hold this against him.  As understanding dawns on me, we talk about obedience to those in authority over us, how God forgives us if we repent, that the devil is an enemy who wants to steal, kill and destroy us -- keeping us from God and His love for us, the conversation ends with the confession that the patient has never killed anyone to his knowledge but he's not sure that he didn't either, we end with prayer and the reminder that God loves us.  That night, the patient sleeps and sleeps well. 

I wish I could say the patient never saw the devil on his bed again. . .guilt and fear can return if we don't continually renew our minds and line ourselves up with God's word.  However, from this point on my visits with the patient took a deeper turn.  As for me, I learned what a mighty God I serve!

Lord, teach me to remember that it's truly not about me -- it's about You ministering through me.  It's about You living BIG in me.  It's about standing in faith and knowing greater is He who is in me than he that is in the world.  Remind me to always focus on the patient and their needs and walk in love and not fear.  Thank you for filling my mouth with the right words to minister to this man's fear.  Thank you for the assurance that You will always speak through me, use me, teach me when I set myself to seek your face.  Amen.